Another Foray into the DC Singles Scene

Apparently I didn't get enough of the wonderful male species the last time I went out , and so I found myself out again this weekend.  Ladies and Gentlemen---the following story is 100% true and unexagerrated. It's just what us single gals in D.C. have to put up with...

The venue this time: Liberty Tavern. Clarendon, VA

If you know Liberty Tavern, you might be asking "why would you go there?"  Well, for one there is no cover. And really, that's the only reason I need.  But also everyone and their mom was out in Clarendon that night and this was also the only bar without a line (though it was still so packed, you couldn't move at all).  And I do literally mean everyone and their mom was out.

My friend and I squeezed our way to the bar to get a drink.  Now the place is crowded and if you chose to sit at the bar in this situation, what do you think is going to happen?  People will squeeze in to get an order. So I find a "free" spot which happens to be right in between 2 guys.  They think this means that I am interested in chatting them up--rather than vodka-- and actually high five each other over my head. 

Classy. 

My friend and I turn around (smack into someone else--it's that crowded) and awkwardly shuffle away.  We eventually find a free-ish spot near a guy who will  be known as "BOO."  He sees my friend and yells "woah! you look scared! Why are you scared? Are you scared? You're totally scared!"
My friend says no once and just looks at him with an eyebrow raised. "Well if I scare you...hahaha.  You're scared!" Me: "She's not scared."  This went on for way longer than it should have-- leaving me thinking "What the..." 

He kept popping up at random times throughout the night, getting in my friend's face and yelling "boo!" whilst spraying her with Bud Light and saliva.

Classier. 

But the best one of the night:
As we turn away from "boo" and attempt to enjoy ourselves I spot a sweaty older (I'd guess about 45) man who clearly had a bad case of acne in his younger years.  This man is grabbing every woman who goes by and attempts to dance with her (no one else is dancing).  He sees me and my friend and approaches.
His first question : how old are you guys? (I thought this was an impolite thing to ask...) "You guys are really pretty. Seriously, really pretty."
(to my friend) "You must be older.  You know how I know? Because you look mean.  And Unfriendly."
(to me): "Hello Michelle Pfeiffer's little sister. You look younger (actually I'm the older one) because you're humoring me" (I have a smile frozen on my face, still shocked by this assault)  
Me: ... 
Him: "You know who she is?" 
Me: "Yeah..." 
(Back to my friend) "I mean you're not being polite and you're unapproachable.  I don't mean it in a bad way, but you just don't look very friendly."  (This goes on for a bit, my friend and I stare in disbelief) Eventually that Cupid Shuffle song comes on and he backs off--but also tries to get us to dance with him. Wasn't gonna happen.  But he wasn't done yet.
We escape (which in these close quarters means we turn the other way.)
And then.... I feel a poke in my side. I turn and see him grinning.

That's right, he poked me like I was a @#%!@$# Pillsbury Doughboy.  And then said:

"No fat there!"

Classiest.

At this point I was done and went home.

and you thought skits like this were mere comedy... I wish:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tomJNpB-30