Step Up!

So I've been very lazy about the blog this entire school year. But now summer is almost here and you can expect to see a lot more posts (for all 3 of  you who are maybe reading this).

Today I am spending a Saturday in by myself because my body decided it would be a fabulous idea to come down with a cold two days before summer break starts.  I'm watching random movies and saw that Step Up 3 was now on Netflix Instant.  I enjoy the dancing...  normally I can stomach the plot.  I enjoy a little brainless entertainment every now and then.  But OMFG (and that is one of the very few times I will use that acronym) this movie is ridiculous.

I may be 2 glasses of wine in (I know, I have a cold.  bad idea.  Whatever.) But I am still sitting here in such a state of WTF that I had to pause the movie 20 minutes in and express myself.   I will now give you commentary as I witness more and more craziness.  This may be a long post.

Firstly, I don't know why they even tried to set up a back story, because it just makes the whole thing even more asinine.  So Moose (yeah, that's the only name he's given) is at Freshmen orientation at NYU when he suddenly becomes ensconced in a dance battle royale with the "House of Samurai" in the middle of Washington Square Park.  Cause, ya know, NYC is just that bad ass.

So the 18 year old white boy becomes a force to be reckoned with and is immediately taken under the wings of an older man with a video camera who then takes him to his "secret practice area."

Totally Kosher.

Moose.  You will be intimated by his glossy curls and freshly washed face

  So Luke (AKA creepy older guy) sees some chica he has the hots for in his club downstairs (he owns it as a front for his little dance studio--did I mention he's creepy?) and proceeds to head downstairs to "court" her.  This happens:


yeah....  Number one.. why in God's green earth is she wearing a cape?!
Number two: A video camera?   Again?  Is he trying to start some porn empire or introduce himself to a girl he finds interesting.  Then again... she is wearing a cape.   Luke is starting to remind me of someone...

Remember Ricky from American Beauty?  The guy obsessed with plastic bags...

Meanwhile... Moose goes to the bathroom.  The entrance of which is straight out of Tron.  Can't find a picture of that, but trust me.  But it's no mere trip to the lou for Moose--because "nobody battles the samurai just once"




So that guy is trying real hard to be intimidating.  But those speakers on his pecs kinda sorta look like boobs.  Just saying...

So Luke takes his lady friend upstairs to his place (there's a "damsel in distress" situation) and he, I kid you not, makes her sleep in a tent.  A tent. They're in NYC not the &$@!#$ Adirondacks.

Next, The Santiago Twins (who are totally straight) show off their wall of shoes and Moose is like "F my engineering degree!  Let's Dance!"
I leave you with this clip and say no more. (except this)
  The Santiago Twins are the ones in matching long johns with easy access front flaps.  Totally straight.



Don't know how much more of this I will watch. If Mystery Science Theatre 3000 were still around (and if this were a SciFi film) this would totally be featured.